1/6/2024 0 Comments Anger iceberg pdf![]() ![]() And honestly, ignoring the bottom half of an iceberg is always bad for a relationship. Keeping your relationship healthy means allowing yourself to look beyond the most visual emotion. Exploring deeper levels opens up new pathways for healing our individual and collective wounds. ![]() Here it is a metaphor for the way we have separated the individual experience of distress from its broader origins. "If you can identify the emotions underneath the anger, it can help to talk about the feelings, recognizing that anger is a defense against those softer, more frightening emotions," Dr. Iceberg calving is the process of large chunks of ice being discharged into the ocean from ice shelves. Taking a minute to dive deep into yourself can allow for a calmer, more proactive dialogue to unfold. Nelson recommends that you ask yourself a few questions: What is underneath the anger? What do I feel afraid of? What is making me feel vulnerable? What am I afraid I will lose or what will be taken away from me? You might just be feeling scared or insecure about your partner leaving you. The next time you feel yourself directing anger toward your partner, stop for a moment and think about the feelings that might be hiding within. Taking a minute to consider the Anger Iceberg, then, allows us to raise our overall Emotional Intelligence, and cool down an argument before it becomes a fight (because yes, bickering and fighting are different). We use as a mask to hide the more delicate emotions we're afraid to share with others. Try the following discussion questions to get started: Imagine a friend is facing a situation that’s similar to one of your own anger triggers. It works well as a group discussion piece, or as an activity where clients identify and circle their own hidden emotions. In essence, you can translate that toward getting angry at your partner. The Anger Iceberg worksheet can be used in multiple ways.
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